POSTED -03-02-01
JOKE #1
Two old Irishmen were holding up the bar at the local pub,
reminiscing and drinking as they were wont to do, when one
became quite melancholy and asked his friend, "Sean, when
my time comes and I pass on, can ye do me a favor?"
His friend replies, "Liam, you've been my friend for nigh
on thirty years. What would you like me to do?"
Liam said: "Sean, on me mantelpiece at home is an old, old
bottle of fine Irish whiskey. When they bury me, would ye
be mindin' it if ye poured it over me grave?"
And the Sean replied, "Liam, you know I'll be honored to
do as ye ask. But I'm wonderin', would you mind if I passed
it through me kidneys, first?"
JOKE #2
A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool next to a smaller
fellow. The smaller guy looks at the first guy, grabs him by
the arms and neck, and says "That's a choke-hold from Judo,"
and lets go.
The first guy , figuring that the little guy is just a bit
drunk, lets it slide.
Two minutes later, he finds himself in another hold, and the
little fellow says "That's a secret bracing hold in Karate."
Now the guy is getting a little steamed, but he lets it pass.
Five minutes later, the little fellow jumps on him again, and
puts him in another compromising position. He says "That's a
Death Move in Tae Kwon Do."
Now the guy is angry and quickly leaves the bar.
Ten minutes later, he comes back into the bar, and the
little fellow is still at the bar, waiting for another drink.
The guy walks up to him, and before the little fellow can
move, he lunges at him, his arm flying out from behind his
back.
The little fellow falls off of his stool, and is out cold.
He turns to the bartender and says "That was a monkey wrench
from Sears."
JOKE #3
A boy fishing off a lake shore trying to catch catfish -- He
was by himself, but there were two men out on a boat drinking
a little bit in the middle of the cove.
The boy had been sitting there for a couple of hours and was
getting tired of fishing, so he started to reel his line in.
It felt like it was hung on something on the bottom. One of
the two guys saw him having trouble and yelled to him that
he would swim down and get it unhooked.
The boy was a bit nervous about that because the man had
been drinking, but he said all right.
The man got undressed and jumped in. He went underwater
and was down there awhile and the boy was getting scared,
but suddenly the man popped up gasping for air.
He hollered to the boy that he had the biggest fish he'd ever
seen on the other end of his line, but there was one problem.
There was an old car down there and the fish was in it.
The boy asked the man if he could pull the fish out. The man
said he had tried everything he could think of but every time
he got close to the car, the fish would roll the window up.
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