ex-President Clinton Jokesto the right on the web; i rewrote some of the jokes a little. |
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| Q: How does President Clinton define safe sex?
A: When the first lady is out of town. Q: Why does President Clinton keep sending Hillary on foreign trips?
Q:Why does President Clinton want Hillary to run in New York?
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A: He threatens that Ted Kennedy will take them for a ride. Q:What is the first question President Clinton asks new interns?
Q::What did President Clinton say to the new intern?
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Q: What did Bill Clinton say about Paula Jones?
A: "Now she opens her mouth!" Q: Where should a statue for President Clinton be placed?
Q: What is the difference between Nixon and Clinton?
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| One day while out on a boat, Bill Clinton fell overboard in shark infested waters. Everybody on board got all upset, except the First Lady. Quickly, a school of sharks assembled and helped the President, bumping against him, pushed him back on board. An excited secret service man shouted, "Mr. President, you're the luckiest man alive." Bill Clinton, modestly, mumbled something. Very modestly! First Lady Hilliary said loudly, "Sharks don't eat their own kind." |
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Clinton finds a bottle, opens it and a genie pops out and grants him one wish. Clinton wishes for the trust of the American people. The genie says there are some things even a genie can't do and tells Clinton to make another wish. Clinton then wishes for the love of the American people. The genie shakes his head. Clinton finally blurts out, "How about one night with ---" |
| An aide asked President Clinton, "Sir, what do you
want to do about this Abortion Bill?"
Bill Clinton mumbled "Go ahead and pay it." Before he became President Bill Clinton had no foreign affairs experience. He thought the Gaza Strip was a topless bar. Hillary Clinton is writing a new book. It's titled, "For Bill, It Takes a Village." |
| While Bill, Hillary and Chelsea were vacationing
at Camp David the White House housekeeper was tasked with looking after
their pet parrot. They hadn't been gone for more than a couple of
days when the parrot was found dead in the bottom of it's cage. The
housekeeper knew the first family would be desolate at the loss of one
of their family pets, so she set out to find a replacement bird and visited
nearly every pet store in Washington. After nearly two days of looking
no-stop, she came across an almost exact duplicate of the bird. As
she purchased the parrot, the shop owner cautioned her that the bird had
previously be owned by a madam and had lived for several years in a house
of ill-repute. The housekeeper replied that no one would ever know
and she took the bird back to the White House.
The morning after the Clintons return to the White House, Chelsea walked through the room and the bird said, "Too young." A little later Hillary came into the room and the bird responded with, "Too old." Late that afternoon the President entered the room and the bird said, "HI, BILL!" |
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Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the House Gingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in a car together in Kansas. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. They all fall into a daze. When they come to the extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz. They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. The Wizard is known for granting people their wishes. Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Gingrich responds, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton speaks up, "Where's Dorothy?" |
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