JOKE #1

The rather broad lady showed up at the theatre just before the
performance started and handed the usher two tickets. "Where's
the other party?" asked the usher.
"Well," said the lady, with a blush, "you see one seat
is a little small for me and rather uncomfortable so I bought
two. But they're both really for me."
"Okay with me, lady," the usher replied, scratching
his head. "There's just one problem. Your seats are numbers
fifty-one and sixty-three."

JOKE #2

A fat lady is lying on the beach. A lifeguard approaches her
and says, "Excuse me ma'am, could you please leave the beach?"

The obese lady replies, "Why? What's wrong?"

"We'll you see," says the lifeguard, "It's getting pretty
late, and the tide wants to come in!"

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